I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
