the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
