At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
