Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
