Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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