Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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