What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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