My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My ass is underappreciated
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
