tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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