I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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