i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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