I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
