i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
