I'm going to jail i love you
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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