i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
