what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
