Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
