Can i not drive my cunt home
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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