I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
