you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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