Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
