Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
