remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
nutella sex= disaster
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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