It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
