My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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