he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
