All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
