he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
