Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
