After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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