U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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