I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
