Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
