I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
