nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
