Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
