I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
