WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
