Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize