whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
