masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
