Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
