Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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