Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
PANTIES FOUND
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
