but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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