Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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