I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
