how can u be prego again
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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