"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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