fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
