his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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