Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
