Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
