i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
