And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize