Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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