Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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