I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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