I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I could fuck to npr.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
