we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
