i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
