chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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