yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
