My hand turned me down
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
