she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
