You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
