i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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