i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
